Tuesday, 10 July 2012

A True Fairy Tale.....The Bitch, The Witch and The Swan

Once upon a time a photographer was minding his own business overlooking a pond at a local nature reserve, when all of a sudden a huge bull mastiff bitch with huge dirty, slavery chops came beside him and wiped her dirty mush all over his pants and jumper.
Arrgg  cried the photographer, you dirty bitch. At that moment he heard howls of laughter coming from a "lady" obviously the the bull mastiff bitches owner.
You should keep her on a lead cried the photographer.
**** OFF said the owner of the bull mastiff bitch as she gave him a strange two fingered sign in passing.
Oh dear, thought the photographer, shes no lady, she must be a Wicked Witch and she has cast a spell on me with that strange two fingered sign, what ever will the future hold.
Well, the photographer tried to clean himself up as best as he could as the Witch and the Bitch went on their way.
Now, it came to pass a short time later, that a great commotion ensued on the other side of the pond, with ducks and geese and swans scattering about all over the place. At first the photographer couldn't see what was going on as the mist of water with all the splashing obscured his view. Then, when it quietened down a little what should be stood there in the water, you've guessed it, it was none other than the bull mastiff bitch. 
All the little ducklings and goslings and cygnets were paddling as fast as their little feet could muster in order to escape to a safer part of the pond. Then the the witch appeared, well she laughed and laughed until she could laugh no more, this is so much fun she thought. Go get em she yelled, and the bull mastiff bitch obeyed, jumping and pouncing at anything that swam on the water.
Mummy and daddy swan lead their brood out to deeper water, and after making sure all his cygnets were safe, daddy swan set off to confront the bull mastiff bitch, as she was still bouncing about in the water  terrifying all before her. 
The swan twisted and turned in front of the bitch, this dance mesmerized the her and almost trance like she followed daddy swan . Daddy swan lead the bitch away from his brood at the same time going into ever into deeper water.
The bull mastiff  bitch was now out of her depth and clearly struggling to stay afloat. The witch noticed this and called for her to come back, and no matter what commands she screamed to her charge it was ignored,  her laughter had turned to hysteria, help me, help me, she cried, to anyone who would listen, but none did. 
Daddy swan was now in completed control, after all this is a his territory, not a lumbering bull mastiff
Time for the hunter to become the hunted.
Sensing a weakness daddy swan turned and reared up out of the water his huge wing spread high, transforming himself from the graceful creature he is into a towering white giant, he lunged overshadowing and completely enveloping the bull mastiff bitch.......and under she went.
Wow did you see that a passer by said to the photographer, yes said the photographer, wasn't it wonderful just wonderful.

A happy witch

Come on chuck

This way

ah feeling tired chuck 




And all the little ducklings and goslings and cygnets and the photographer......................................................................... LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.


  1. Awesome David. Retribution for a classy witch!

  2. The ever more so stereotypical thick dog walker !!
    Great story ...

  3. Beautiful. I've just read that aloud, to my wife, in my best Primary School teacher voice. Priceless stuff David.

  4. What a skanky woman.
    What happened to the dog? These type of scum would probably want revenge on the swan.
    These people aren't fit to own dogs let alone kids.

  5. The worst dog/bird incident I ever saw David and an offence against wildlife warranting a fine surely. I can't pass on my thoughts about this 'woman' on your website....this is truly awful.

    As for the Swan, goes to show the lengths these creatures will go to in order to protect themselves and their young....amazing.

  6. Wonderful story with a great ending David,the witch and the bitch got their just desserts.mj

  7. Told exactly as it unfolded no doubt David,just wish I`d have been there to witness the spectacle,I would have applauded loudly!!!!!

  8. Dave. Sadly a true tale but wonderfully told and illustrated. A happy ending with good triumphing over evil... Well done Dave.

  9. What a Scumbag. These dog people are now almost totally out of control.

  10. Not such a happy ending here Dave; someone's spaniel killed three cygnets the other day and when confronted all the witch could say was 'so what' - sickening attitude my dog (=pseudo-child) can do no wrong.

    Crackin pic as ever!



  11. Hope the dog was drowned, pity the skanky old owner didn't go in after it :-)

  12. Had a second look at this one David. The key photograph in your account is the one of the mutts owner, she deserves an Oscar of sorts for playing the part to perfection including her attitude towards you and of course the Mute Swans.

    Please note I've steered clear of obscene language here and unpleasant remarks.

  13. ...so, what did happen to the dog ?

  14. Which one was the mastiff again ? (1 in brown ? )

  15. Hi David...been a long long time since I visited your site...I thought I'd pay you a visit and see what's going on. I cannot get out at mo - keyhole on my knee so no wildlife shooting for me at present. Well, I just had to comment on this one - so often similarities have happened to me. I was photographing swans in Roundhay park in Leeds. I'd been following their development for about a year. I'm absolutely gob smacked by how many irresponsible dog owners there are who use the park where wildlife is concerned - charging and snarling and barking at growing signets and protective parent birds and owners snarling and charging and barking obscenities at protective photographers. I'm a dog owner too. I love my collie to run in the park- when it comes to wildlife he is under control. You try and explain that to a bull mastiff and you're the one who is weird! Not.
    Will these people ever learn? We can only live in hope!

  16. You try and explain that to a bull mastiff errr.... bull mastiff 'owner' I meant! It must be the anesthetic!

  17. Priceless - the way you have written is so funny but its a shame the subject is potentially so serious .... P & I xx

  18. That's some story David, well told. A classic case of what goes around comes around. I have just stumbled across your blog and added my self to your followers list if that is okay. Regards Steve Ashton.

  19. Bloody good riddance! The images are a joy David - anyone would have stopped and watched, but only a photographer would have the instinct to record it. Well done mate.

  20. Great story ...sadly know these sort of dog-owners all to well. Here they think that chasing waders is some kind environmental enrichment for their dogs.

    Cheers Gerhard Hofmann

    Hope to see you in the field again.

  21. Hi David, a fantastic story and a terrific boost to the soul,I'm set up for the day now, I hope this happens to me one day.


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